TGD Now-Tri-Weekly-DotDotDot-Or-Not Update – I apologise in advance.

God, I sure hate life sometimes. Three weeks late. TWENTY. ONE.  FREAGIN’. DAYS. LATE.

That has to make an outstanding achievement there. Yes, I know this was SUPPOSED to be a weekly update. After all, the title of the last update sort-of gives it away. However, those of you who never got bored of our beast would have seen this short post a while back*. It detailed the pure reasons why I never got around to writing ANYTHING AT ALL on this site since twenty one days prior to this moment. You can blame my college for that. Anyway, leading a dual life is awfully weighty; especially with things like Halo: Reach, sickness and the New Twitter website cashing in.

So, I apologise in advance. But, hey – at least I’m back. On with the entourage!
*For those of you who saw it without clicking that devilish link up there, I honor and salute you.

Repeating What You Already Know

I apologise. Bam.

* Power

In last fortnight-and-a-half’s update, I was actually shocked to hear that nobody at all spotted one of the most atrocious things that one could ever carry out. Quite frankly, I’m appalled by your lack of inceptive wisdom. No cookies for you.

On the very subject of feeling appalled, now is what I was originally coming to before shooting wildly off topic. I apolo…meh, you know. In the last article, it wasn’t hard to spot the amount of *s, ‘s, “s and ~s in my segment of writing. That would class as a huge literary crime, and one in which renders myself in a position to receive a timely bog washing. Although, that won’t happen. Rinsed.

Yah, so I’ll try and avoid overflowing my Magic Meter this time. Kthxbai. Oh, and I apologise in ad-



Not surprisingly, being the Halo fan of the office, I was lovingly injected in to a first sample of a huge marathon platter known as Reach. If you haven’t heard of that game, go back to the afterlife, Alan. Anyways, being huge custom (and a crime not to), I was elected to write up the review for what many have called a possible party-crasher for CoD Black Ops’, under these circumstances. IMO, I think it’s a lop-sided case of David vs. Golliath, but it’s a bit too early to call cards JUST yet. For the fans, here’s a nice little snippet:

“Graphically, Reach is – and this is coming from one hell of a Halo fanboy – a bit Marmitey, if you like. From the start, even blind people would notice that the game’s engine was constructed with a unique method, so that it rules supreme a million times over Halo 3. However, this may be just myself, but some of the textures (at close range) were obviously a little pixelated. This is easily noticeable at the boot tip of the Campaign, when flying around in that opening Falcon. Maybe this department should have had a little bit more tender care smacked in to it, but hey – it beats Call of Duty’s HORRIBLE textures. More detailed textures would have filled the disc over capacity, too. It stands strong enough at 6GB.”

Yes, harsh words there, but that’s the only bad point that I can really think up about the game right now, bar the frame rate issues.  You’ll feast on the full review soon.


Veteran readers will have recalled myself bantering on mindlessly about Modio in the last update. Ever since this was posted, I’ve had quite a bit of stick towards the inner soul and heart of my body. Now, before you go and ravage and troll the ‘trollers’ that may be camping in the comments, please note that (thankfully) none of these trollers had posted comments. Phew!

Instead, in a fate much less desired, these wipes were manifesting their comfort from one of six places which is actually personal towards my life – college. Yes, some brutes from my class kept ranting on about how I ‘modded Recon armour’, in such a demeaning and dumbfounded darkness. They kept nagging me for weeks, not letting me escape to freedom from it. At all.

I say ‘dumbfounded’ there, because those same TGD veterans will also note that I didn’t mod Recon armour for Halo 3. It GLITCHED. GLITCHED. Get it past your thick skulls, dogs**. Jeez.

Also, on that topic, no member of the TGD team, or user of the site, deserves that kind of grief. If we see anyone trolling, you’re getting IP banned from commenting. Maybe for a limited time, maybe permanently. Don’t whine if you do get banned. I didn’t whine when the events of the next section materialized. Shush, now.

Nice lead in, eh?
**I’m not talking about any readers here, in general. Don’t worry! I only scowl at trolls.


Any forum member knows the rules of the place. The HARSH rules of the place. It’s a law, and one that I inadvertently broke.

So, yeah, I love Halo. And I love forums. What better way to mix the two up, than to visit the forums? Ingenius! It’s a brilliant opportunity, and one that doesn’t come by very often. Being the silly hole that I am, I wasted that opportunity within a few days. Pretty damning. What’s even more damning, however, is the fact that unluckiness also led to the wasted opportunity.

Excited to jump in ASAP, I signed up, and made a few posts on the forum, like a happy chappy. However, in an ultimately bonkers action, I never chose to read the rules. Yes, I signed up to a forum and never read the rules. Heresy! Back then, I was all like; “Blah, blah, blah, I know them all already”. A few minutes since, then, and a slightly bong life-turn consisting of posting a naff YouTube video on to the forums got me permabanned. Lovely. It’s the Vortex curse!

It doesn’t end there, though.

I’ll leave the thinking, to you.

Coming up!

  • Nick’s got multiple previews in the draft zone. Epic Mickey, NFS: Hot Pursuit, Gran Turismo Five, and two games featuring everybody’s favourite British spy (tip – think Bungie’s number) are being shoved through the Preview-matic and will come out of the blighter in a matter of time. He’s also going to share the word on what’s coming out next month. Even though, it’s only October 3rd!
  • Hedgehog’s got two more previews in line, for the new Assassin’s Creed title and a certain sequel, featuring Starkiller. The star’s getting hot!
  • Carnage, being the rhythm-game rockstar that he is, has got his own personal preview of Rock Band 3 through the firing line. And this is coming from one of the first people in the UK to buy GH: WoR’s guitar bundle.
  • I myself have got the reviews of Halo: Reach (well, YEE NAW) and Blur to kick up on the domain. Also, look out for a feature on the history of Online Gaming, and possibly (just POSSIBLY) a review of a certain Steam hit. They’re all on the line***.
  • Finally, Dave TV Channel****, being the oldest guy on the team, has hauled it to THAT London to check out the Eurogamer Expo! The lucky sod has got his mitts on some of the biggest upcoming hits to come, and he’ll be spilling the can on what they’re like as soon as he returns.

***Okay, lock me up. That pun was a crime.


Pause for a quick moment. Savour the thought of a grown man dancing to Supercalafragalisticexpialidocious, on DDR: Disney Mix, on expert mode.

Can you snap out of it?


Yesterday, I decided to buy a cheap GH Microphone, so that I could rumble my vocal chords in preparation to those inevitable club singing sessions. I bought a pre-owned one, in brilliant condition, for the bargain price of £7.50. Brilliant!

Or, so you may think. My first choice for belting out the vocals on this baby, was Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire. For people well familiar with the deep-voiced classic, you can already imagine the tremors that would (and have) came up with the kick-start effort. For those who don’t know a single thing about white-knuckle classics, here’s a handy YouTube video to give you a lift.

Short in short, I’m thinking about selling that microphone.

Diary of the Guardians

Back to the never-halting topic of Halo: Reach. I pre-ordered and bought the £60 Limited Edition version of the blockbuster, which came with one hell of a pile of words, thoughts and jottings clamped together in a fine, compressed atmosphere known as a diary. This diary belonged to Dr. Catherine Halsey, inventor of the SPARTANs and the woman who gave birth to that sex icon known as Cortana. Yup, she did. Came as an offshoot of excessive brain forging. The diary contained all of the secrets of the Halo universe, and once you’ve read it, you know that it’s completely changed the way you view the Halo franchise.

If anyone saw those Doctor Who episodes with those air piranhas, this is exactly like River’s personal journal. If you have the money – and confidence – save up some dosh, and blow it on the Limited Edition of Halo: Reach. It also comes with a jolly good set of Elite armour, just for the lulz.

Oh, and you can’t have mine.

The Farmhouse

Those of you lucky enough to have me as a friend on XBL will have noticed the large amount of Reachage infesting my game history today. This is because I was mainly diving in to the new Reach craze – farming. Yep, farming. When I say ‘farming’, I don’t mean the wellies, pigs, horses, greenery, veg, country style of Farming. Rather, I concisely tell you that the Reach definition of ‘Farming’, is to use the game’s tools to their full extent, so that earning Achievements and Credits are a doodle.

Thanks to some mates out there, I’ve only got little over 10 achievements left to snag in the Bungie best-seller. Firefight achievements? I made up this Firefight gametype, which allows you to get 10,000 points a wave, in turn letting me cash in on some of those points ‘cheevos that were once impossible, now simple. You see the connection? Once I had rounded up the good ol’ Firefight GS mine, I enlisted the help of Crazie Jake to put on some missions and make my Campaign-gamerscoring life so much more restful. Just because I have an achievement from Mission 9 when I haven’t got to it yet, doesn’t mean that I’m h4x1n’.

Marcus, watch out.

Three. Six. Five.

Just a quick personal shout out here. I’ve recently ran up a personal Tumblr page, which is where I’m hosting a mightily ambitious project. I was talking about diaries earlier, so a few of you should be well familiar with them, right? I’ve decided to make up a personal diary. Not exciting, is that? It that was, then I’ll go and fetch my Two Angry Camels in a Tiny Car TRADEMARK.

The difference with this one – and it’s one game-changer – is that you can see the project all play out yourselves at – not so smart, are you now? I can hear a few people shouting “IT’S A BLOG!!!1!!1!!!11111one!11!1” with rabid screams in the distance. My educated response? This one’s properly personal. And your claims were properly busted.

Nick’s Part

Hey. It’s been 3 weeks? Wow, something went wrong there. Anyway if you all remember I said that we were launching a Competition in the last update. Well, any of you eagle eyed watchers of our twitter feed will of noticed it being extended. Yup it got extended. For your chance to win a copy of Guitar Hero 3, World Tour and Greatest hits on PS3 click this link and follow the rules in place. CLICK. You have until Friday to enter. Any entries made after then won’t count and will be ignored when deciding the winner.

Not much else for me to add to that. So time for the Vortex to close up the update.

Best. Video. EVER.

And, as always, here’s the complimentary best video ever. Later!


3 Responses to TGD Now-Tri-Weekly-DotDotDot-Or-Not Update – I apologise in advance.

  1. td90uk says:

    You…you insulted Call of Duty :O How dare you…..

    I love CoD……:P

  2. @td90uk I didn’t say that CoD wasn’t fun. But – let’s face it – the textures are horrible, even if gameplay does rule over graphics.

  3. td90uk says:

    @MintagedVortex I know, I know. The graphics aint perfect, but they’re not terrible either are they? I mean, take a look at some other games and you’ll see that CoD has goodish graphics.

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